Why is that so many of the most popular relationship self help books are mostly written by men but mostly read by women? Why is the rate of women pursuing more education and higher status jobs rising far higher than men? Guys! If you want to be pursued more then be that excellence we are reaching for. We know about it, we’ve seen it, and we want it.
Here, are only a few of the first of many cliff notes collected from a combo of master minds. Don’t think that this is a limited all-inclusive list. Come back for more tips.
1. Don’t complain about money you owe for alimony and especially child support.
How a woman can interpret this is your lack of value of your children and possibly of her. Child support does not end at the age of 18, even though you may be court ordered to pay a certain amount until then.
Women are future thinkers, we know there’s college, weddings, cars, hospital bills, and the occasional phone calls of “Can I come live with you for a while?” If you’re complaining about your financial obligation to your offspring now, this gives us the message you may not be ready and willing to invest in your current relationships either.
2. Don’t remind her that she will come second to your children.
She should already know, and shown by actions, that you will sacrifice for your offspring. If she has kids she will agree- kids first. However, no one wants to be reminded continuously they come second in anyone’s life, especially if you have already established an intimate committed connection. Too much of that will make her feel insignificant to you.
You can say you will put your kids first, but women appreciate reassurance and want to feel included in your life as well. Reassure her, if you are truly committed to one another, that you will communicate and do your best to include her as she is also part of your life at this point. Both sets of kids are part of both of your lives and both parents should be willing to do their part to be there for each other’s kids as well. Back up your “I’m there for my kids” statements by not complaining about point number 1.
3. Don’t think cause you’re dating someone with kids, the woman will take care/’mother’ you too.
Women want men who are providing and supportive too. An initiator, a good example to her kids, and one less person she has to worry so much about who will take more of her energy. All of us need to replenish our own energies to be better more enjoyable people to be around. If you can help her refuel her energy by taking some burdens off her hands, she may just use that energy to give back to you.
You want to be appreciated? Then do something she will appreciate. You want trust? Then be reliable, stable, someone she can brag to her friends with pride. We, of course, really, truly don’t like reminding you to do something, and yes, may get stuck in repeat mother role. It happens, but we expect you to be a responsible grown man who is just as domesticated as we are. We are future thinkers.
Please change the toilet paper roll completely, not just stack it on top of the getting low roll still on the holder. It can end up in the toilet and clog it. If you do that and that happens we will silently enjoy visualizing you fixing it. We are also more attracted to making love when you’ve bathed, smell nice, and laying on clean sheets you made the bed with. Now that’s someone we like to come home to.
4. Don’t complain about your ex so much.
Complaining about your ex will make us think you might complain about us. It also brings up painful emotions within you. Your emotions can affect your logic, reasoning, and rationality. Many of our decisions are made with emotions. How we feel about something. If we sense you are angry a lot, plainly, it isn’t attractive. We don’t want to deal with your angry side and have you take it out on us.
It is a new beginning with us, we want to have an enjoyable time just as much as you do. If it gets too much, find another outlet to vent and especially avoid using us as a punching bag during sex. Every once in awhile, angry built up anticipation make up sex is hot, but only when we are making up, not dispensing anger onto us.
5. Don’t compare us to your ex.
Don’t compare or predict because your ex did this or that that your current love will or won’t do the same. If she was a skanky whore, that could be one of the reasons why you are not with her anymore. Don’t use it as a manipulative tool to make us try to do things that will ‘impress’ you by trying to use phrases like: “well, she used to do that for me” or preface a request with, “I know you’re just gonna say no”.
Your ex isn’t here for me to validate what she did for you and it must not have been enough for you to stay with her. If you say I’m just gonna say no, I just might say no and not even encourage you to continue. If you set me up for an automatic no, you’ve given me the mind set that you are expecting me to say no. Avoid that manipulative pressure, just talk to me about what you want, like, and don’t like. It’s a lot easier to follow, consider, and agree on a compromise.
